just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
