TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
