everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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