so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How does one acquire holy water?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
