I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
