Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
