you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
