I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
