The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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