cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
