Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
