8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
