where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
