I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Success! We fucked roommates!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
