the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
