I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
