you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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