I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My boob is missing a layer of skin
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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