This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
