so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
