He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
