She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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