yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You made out with two different species that night
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
