So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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