Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
