I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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