he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
