what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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