Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
