Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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