i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
