every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
we should paint friendship bongs
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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