I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize