RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
