Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
