I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
