are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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