Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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