I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
