Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
