Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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