here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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