and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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