I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
