my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
