I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
