I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
