oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize