It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
