You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The Olympian is in my bed
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize