that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
