she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
