Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
