ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
