Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
