We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
ok first of all what the fuck
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
