I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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