he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
