You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
