Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i think i just lost a toe
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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