Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
