dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
