Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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