what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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