You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
