your parents love me but you hate me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
