he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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