Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
