Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
