Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
