I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
