I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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