flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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