New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
