he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
