Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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