There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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