using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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