What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
