the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
