What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
