this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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